You don't need to be anything more than you already are

You don't need to be anything more than you already are

You don’t need to be anything more than you already are.

I’m doing my best.

But I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself to make the most of this time.

I’m so aware that these are the days, I’m wanting to make the most of these extraordinary opportunities that are presenting themselves. Little seeds are sprouting, seeds that I have planted and nurtured over the years.

But growth cannot be forced. Whilst we may choose what we plant, we cannot control or expect its growth. It is its own thing. And when growth happens, it can be painful.

I once experienced a 3 day downer (to put it lightly) and I was so ready to give it all up. I said to myself, “if chasing my dreams is what is making me this can’t-get-out-of-bed unhappy then why am I causing this suffering upon myself?”

The moment I gave myself the option to do something else, I instantly felt a newfound freedom. For the first time in my life I had pushed away the only thing ever wanted. Being an actress has been my life-dream. I’ve gravitated towards it ever since I knew that acting was a thing. But I had forgotten that it was my choice. The military dictator that lives in my mind at that time had gotten so focused on the process of achieving my goals, and had me trapped in my own ambition by my own volition.

Do you want to know the very thing that got me out of my 3 day funk?

This 3 hour acting class with Uta Hagen:

I literally medicated myself through the craft of acting. It was having such an impact on me that I couldn’t watch it all in one go so I drip-fed myself back to myself and took notes as I went along.

It was through this excruciating experience that I realised my genuine, unshakable fixation for my craft. (Exceptional) actors embrace all of themselves. To “know thyself”. The process of learning how to develop as an actor has taught me how to unearth more and more of who I am - and the myriad sides that we organically have. I have my own instincts, my own interests, my own strong opinions (and they can change). It turns out that these are the qualities that make an exceptional actor.

I’ll come full circle here:

You don’t need to be anything more than you already are.

This week I had the ABSOLUTE PLEASURE of working with legendary photographer Wanda Martin. We had 4 locations and 2 photoshoots together in one day. ONE DAY.

Things didn’t quite go to plan (they went even better than planned).

We arrived at 10am to the first location and the owner’s phone was going to voicemail. His messages were showing one tick. OH NO. Dread. I have this incredible team with more outfits that we can squeeze into the time we have. What do I do?!?! Well, thanks to my Meisner classes in Dalston with actor and director Alex Marx at Actors East, I knew that there was a hidden coffee shop at the back of the building where we could regroup, figure out of our options and see what we could do. I have to admit, I did internally panic. But then I remembered my intention that I had set for the day, my wish, and my trust in the process always working out for us.

I didn’t know it at that moment in time but I said to the wonderful costumier Tori Hitchens, “Tori, I don’t know why this is happening right now but I do know there’s a very good reason for this because everything that happens to us happens for us”. She reassuringly smiled, whilst also unpacking her hand-crafted, bespoke clothing from her car.

As we sat down outside the coffee shop with our various hot drinks of choice and fresh juice, I saw the word “SALT” in capital letters in front of me. As I saw the sign, Wanda said (words to the effect of), “wait a minute, I recognise this place. I did a shoot here the other week! In fact, the image that you saw in the “The Last Romantics” exhibition in Budapest was shot here”. No way I thought. No way! Underneath “SALT” was the name Epitome Studio.

Photo of Wanda by Andris Zombori as seen in Fashion Street Online.

Without hesitation, I launched myself over to the buzzer outside the charcoal black door, “Hi, is this Epitome Studio?” “Yes, the kind man replied, “Could I come up and talk with you please?”

He welcomed me into their studio. I imagine I must have looked so frantic and fraught but in my flurry I explained what had happened - I have an incredible photographer, an incredible team and we can’t get into the location we thought we had booked. Is there any way he could let us take our photos in his studio? Thanks to Jimmy, the owner of Epitome Studio - we set up shop and got this show on the road!

Above: Behind the scenes photo by Wanda Martin.

And not only that but at around 1:30 we received a message from the original location owner who said they had just arrived. We not only got incredible shots in this wonderful studio (and rooftop) but we also managed to get into the quirky venue that enabled us to get some absolute bangers, which I can’t wait to share in good time!

Behind the scenes photo above by Wanda Martin. Makeup and hair by Mikaela Honeywill.

Standby for new photos!

Behind the scenes photo above by Mikaela Honeywill. Costumier Tori Hitchens adjusting the dress she made especially for our shoot.